Radiant Smile

Walking down the alleyway I doubted once more about trying to call her one last time. I don’t know how she does it, but I’m quite sure she manages to circle around my thoughts every single moment of the day, she controls my emotions and my feelings with just the touch of her hand and I can even assure that she calls me in her sleep, drawing me into her dreams and inviting me to come back to hold her in my arms. As I stand still in the rain feeling the droplets gently stream down my face, I pull my phone out of my pocket and overthinking one last time if I should make that call. She might be tired, and I don’t want to be insistent, but... Fuck me, right? I’ve been thinking about her since I woke up in the morning. As I took breakfast I imagined her holding my hand while I was pouring some more coffee on my cup, while I was holding my English muffin with my right hand I could still feel the touch of her hand on my left arm, as I scratched my left leg y could feel the warmth of her skin on my right foot, and while I closed my eyes I went back to the first time that we kissed.

Some rainy June day in the middle of a cold twilight we ran straight into the pouring rain heading into her apartment, with soggy clothes and big smiles on our faces I managed to catch the glance of her gorgeous eyes looking at me for an instant. At that moment I thought about kissing her, packed with doubt I decided to move one step closer and try to hold her into my arms. Just before I managed to even touch her with the tip of my fingers, she grabbed my face with a gently move and kissed me softly. With our eyes closed and our hearts beating to rhythm of our lips battling to gain control of the kiss, we started take our clothes off…

I put my phone back into my pocket. Filled with regret I walked down the stairway into the subway station and rushed into the subway wagon. I couldn’t think about anything but that call that I should’ve made. Poisoned with regret and anxiety I managed to walk myself home, take my soggy clothes off and lay in the dark staring at the ceiling. My phone has been ringing like crazy for hours ever since, but none of the messages or calls are from her, so nothing really matters to me right now. I close my eyes for a minute and suddenly I’m back at her side holding her head firmly into my naked chest while I hear her breath in deeply and exhale slowly, she looks so damn beautiful and calm even in her sleep.

I open my eyes again, nothing has changed, boring ceiling, empty bed, lonely feelings and regret, a lot of fucking regret. If I just had made that call, I might be watching that lovely smile, again and again, with those amazing big white teeth and the perfect shape, as if it was the personification of happiness itself. And I can promise you the one reading this and myself writing it down that I will never, ever get tired of that radiant smile of yours.